Resolving

Actually now, New Years Resolutions:

1. Disconnect.

2. Climb more mountains.

3. Let stuff go.

4. Drink less wine. Drink more wine.

5. Make more art.

6. Go places. 

7. Sleep more.

8. Write.

9. Read the news.

10. Meet new people.

- K

Day-After-Christmas-Poem

I had a calm and lazy Christmas this year. Spent most of my time in the kitchen, baking cookies on cookies and later watching "Miracle on 34th Street" (my favorite). This year felt pretty different for me. For a lot of reasons. But it was filled with food and family nonetheless, so it made everyone pretty happy. Santa even left us a limerick (complete with a few swear words and a colorful illustration), so all the old traditions were upheld. We're leaving for Idaho in a couple days to spend time with more family, more food, puzzles, wood-burning fireplaces and hopefully a little more snow.

Now, here's a Day-After-Christmas-Poem.

Kitchen Window, Morning 

The birds fly to my window,

bruising bodies with glass,

bruising glass with their bodies.

The halved apples in the feeder

are sealed in ice and snow,

so I know why they’ve had enough.

It’s like listening to a mixtape

but the tape’s strung out and dusty,

so all you hear are thuds and cold crunching

and the wheels aren’t turning anymore.

So I look at the birch trees instead,

laying white upon white,

birch, snow, black spot, bark.

Like soldiers hiding in a ditch,

black upon black,

barbed, bullet hole, blast.

But the birds in their feathers

aren’t hiding from me,

or this air drunk on gravity.

They just keep crashing

towards my window,

wings open like paper unfolded

and with God beneath them,

shedding reflections
wild, in cold glass.

Oh and also...a song that reminds me so much of this time of year. And especially of my adventures in Helsinki with one of my best friends two January's ago.

- K

This Again Too

I'm going to start writing again. I can't believe I neglected pen and paper (creatively) throughout this whole semester. I guess I was just busy. It's helpful though, so I'm going to start it up again too. Here's a piece I was working on last fall. 

Downcount

You came

and mopped me up

with bucket-water, gray,

so dirt-choked

it was hard to breathe.

So I counted satellites instead,

one, two,

until the sky washed white

and it was morning

and I said fuck morning.

But then you braided

my hair once,

caught the strands

between your fingers,

eyes, counting, three

twists overlapping

until somehow you held on

and it was something beautiful,

something snagged in the sun

and beautiful,

bird-specks-black,

four, five

outside and beautiful.

And I leaned with the wind

six seasons, then seven

with your breath

and started counting again,

in, out,

eight, nine.

- K

Too Long

I haven't been here all semester. The busy-ness got in the way. So here's the life update: Finals ended last week and today is officially my first day of winter vacation. I will be relaxing/baking/reading /running/skiing/snowshoeing/knitting/eating until January 3 when my first set of classroom observation begins for my English education major. But until then, I hope to enjoy some more snow in the Missoula valley and maybe even a few adventures out into the woods of Montana to do some winter camping. I've been so lousy about taking pictures so these are just a few from my instagram. 

Like I mentioned in my last post (too many months ago), this blog has been a bit intimidating to rediscover. It used to be a place where Nate and I shared how we lived our lives together. But now that together is no longer an aspect of our relationship, the blog feels a little broken. But I'm going to try to come back, make it my own, talk about my experiences I've had for the last few months, and focus on all the good that's come out of what I thought for so long was only shrouded in sadness. Because really, I've learned a lot. About myself. And my friends and family. But especially loneliness. And how loneliness can really help a girl out.

Anyway, the pictures are pretty self explanatory: It's been cold. And I've been eating grapefruit. And listening to a lot of Iron and Wine since I saw him at the Wilma in November (and also pretty obsessed with Volcano Choir.)

Ok, for realsies, I'm coming back to this place. I'll work on making it a little less broken, and in the process, hopefully help myself be a little less broken too.

- K