Treasures Found

It's too bad I haven't taken one darn picture in months and months except for what exists in my iPhone library (and instagram of course). I'm thinking of getting a different camera- one that has an actual viewfinder, so I might be more inclined to take more pictures in the near future. But it's also been stupidly cold and windy lately...another reason to stay inside and avoid adventuring. But! This three-day-weekend I'll be going to Whitefish with two bestbests to ski and maybe even take a tiny winter trip up to Glacier. The picture above is from of my trips to the Northern Cascades this summer. Daydreaming of light and warmth these days... But I'm so excited to be escaping Missoula for a bit, especially since it's so close to Valentine's Day, something I've been unnecessarily anxious about for the past week. But to remedy some of this anxiety, we're gathering all the single girls to cook a fancy dinner and of course drink copious amounts of wine. I think it'll do the trick.

Some treasures I've been liking lately:

This book, which has been bringing me loads of inspiration and solace in the mud I find myself stuck in sometimes, as well as this short story a friend found in an issue of The New Yorker.

This song, this song and this song.

And finally, hoping to make THIS pizza as soon as possible.

Happy three-day weekend to all the cool cats out there. I'm gonna try hard again and again to get back to this space. Oh, and happy love-day! Hold those friends close and toast to all the happiness you can discover in the dark and lonely spots hidden inside of love's weird folds and creases.

Resolving

Actually now, New Years Resolutions:

1. Disconnect.

2. Climb more mountains.

3. Let stuff go.

4. Drink less wine. Drink more wine.

5. Make more art.

6. Go places. 

7. Sleep more.

8. Write.

9. Read the news.

10. Meet new people.

- K

Day-After-Christmas-Poem

I had a calm and lazy Christmas this year. Spent most of my time in the kitchen, baking cookies on cookies and later watching "Miracle on 34th Street" (my favorite). This year felt pretty different for me. For a lot of reasons. But it was filled with food and family nonetheless, so it made everyone pretty happy. Santa even left us a limerick (complete with a few swear words and a colorful illustration), so all the old traditions were upheld. We're leaving for Idaho in a couple days to spend time with more family, more food, puzzles, wood-burning fireplaces and hopefully a little more snow.

Now, here's a Day-After-Christmas-Poem.

Kitchen Window, Morning 

The birds fly to my window,

bruising bodies with glass,

bruising glass with their bodies.

The halved apples in the feeder

are sealed in ice and snow,

so I know why they’ve had enough.

It’s like listening to a mixtape

but the tape’s strung out and dusty,

so all you hear are thuds and cold crunching

and the wheels aren’t turning anymore.

So I look at the birch trees instead,

laying white upon white,

birch, snow, black spot, bark.

Like soldiers hiding in a ditch,

black upon black,

barbed, bullet hole, blast.

But the birds in their feathers

aren’t hiding from me,

or this air drunk on gravity.

They just keep crashing

towards my window,

wings open like paper unfolded

and with God beneath them,

shedding reflections
wild, in cold glass.

Oh and also...a song that reminds me so much of this time of year. And especially of my adventures in Helsinki with one of my best friends two January's ago.

- K

This Again Too

I'm going to start writing again. I can't believe I neglected pen and paper (creatively) throughout this whole semester. I guess I was just busy. It's helpful though, so I'm going to start it up again too. Here's a piece I was working on last fall. 

Downcount

You came

and mopped me up

with bucket-water, gray,

so dirt-choked

it was hard to breathe.

So I counted satellites instead,

one, two,

until the sky washed white

and it was morning

and I said fuck morning.

But then you braided

my hair once,

caught the strands

between your fingers,

eyes, counting, three

twists overlapping

until somehow you held on

and it was something beautiful,

something snagged in the sun

and beautiful,

bird-specks-black,

four, five

outside and beautiful.

And I leaned with the wind

six seasons, then seven

with your breath

and started counting again,

in, out,

eight, nine.

- K

Too Long

I haven't been here all semester. The busy-ness got in the way. So here's the life update: Finals ended last week and today is officially my first day of winter vacation. I will be relaxing/baking/reading /running/skiing/snowshoeing/knitting/eating until January 3 when my first set of classroom observation begins for my English education major. But until then, I hope to enjoy some more snow in the Missoula valley and maybe even a few adventures out into the woods of Montana to do some winter camping. I've been so lousy about taking pictures so these are just a few from my instagram. 

Like I mentioned in my last post (too many months ago), this blog has been a bit intimidating to rediscover. It used to be a place where Nate and I shared how we lived our lives together. But now that together is no longer an aspect of our relationship, the blog feels a little broken. But I'm going to try to come back, make it my own, talk about my experiences I've had for the last few months, and focus on all the good that's come out of what I thought for so long was only shrouded in sadness. Because really, I've learned a lot. About myself. And my friends and family. But especially loneliness. And how loneliness can really help a girl out.

Anyway, the pictures are pretty self explanatory: It's been cold. And I've been eating grapefruit. And listening to a lot of Iron and Wine since I saw him at the Wilma in November (and also pretty obsessed with Volcano Choir.)

Ok, for realsies, I'm coming back to this place. I'll work on making it a little less broken, and in the process, hopefully help myself be a little less broken too.

- K

It All Changes

 

 

 

I think I've been avoiding this blog for months now. It's difficult to write things down when I don't want those things to be a reality quite yet. Written words seem to provide some sense of permanence to the topic.  I'm not sure if our blog is the platform to talk about personal issues or not, but I've decided that since journaling is a therapy, why not share my thoughts about this past summer.

Nate and I have decided to take separate paths and split up for a while. In order to protect our most amazing friendship and spare some of the emotional stress always carried along with a relationship, we made the decision to break up a few months ago, after almost five years together. Despite what might seem a wholly sad situation, we have remained, still, best friends. We've taken some trips together (including one fantastic jaunt to Glacier National Park) to supply some sense of normalcy for each other. We talk often and will continue to support and respect one another.

It's an entire learning experience, through the smiles and sadness. But I have the best friends, best family and best adventures who've kept me enormously happy these last few months. And I've still got the same best friend I've always had.

And now for some pictures. Since I've been avoiding this post for sometime, the photos are a little jumbled and scattered. The first two are from a trip to Washington's North Cascades with my parents for a little camping. The third picture is from RATPOD, the 130 miles ride around the Pioneer Mountains in one day, which I did with my dad and brother. And the last two are from Bowman Lake in Glacier National Park from my trip in early August.

I think we'll keep this blog. And I think we'll still keep it together. It feels good to be back. So happy Saturday friends!

-K

p.s. Follow me on Instagram (keltouche)! I've been much more thorough with documenting my summer on there.

It's Summer Folks

You guys, it's finally summer! Thank goodness for sunny days and rainy nights, farmer's markets, camping and getting to read whatever book I want. Finally.

Nate and I celebrated by going on a backpacking adventure for a night last week and then spending the weekend with friends in Bozeman for a frisbee tournament. I've also been in the process of moving out of my house and into a small apartment downtown- a feat that's a little scary but mostly exciting.

But hopefully soon I'll be spending my days relaxing as much as I can, going for short runs to mend injuries from frisbee and trying to convince myself to get on my bike in preparation for RATPOD again.

Hoping everyone is having a tremendous spring and looking forward to summer as much as we are!

- K